Sad Broken Heart

It’s really hard to let go of something that has been yours for quite sometime. You called him your own like he is yours forever, ONLY yours forever.  You have made a lot of plans together. You have dreamed of a life together. You built your world around him. You can see your future with him. And suddenly it ends and your world ends.

And the sad thing is, you just don’t know how to start again. You don’t know how to get back up. You don’t know how to get over this. You don’t know how to heal this broken heart like it was shattered into million pieces.

Sad Broken Heart

This may sound like so exaggerated but for a sad broken heart like mine, no words can exactly describe the pain that I’m feeling right now. It’s really the end of everything. I cry myself to sleep at night trying to forget him and I wake up in the morning with puffy eyes which reminds me of him again.

It was easy for him to leave me. He just focused on everything that he hates about me. He saw our relationship to be going nowhere and he sticks to that.

And for me who was still holding on, I chose to see the good in everything. I’m positive that our relationship can get through everything. I was hoping for the best. I was willing to drop everything. I was willing to accept his flaws, everything that pisses me off. I was willing to forget all the hurts he caused me. I was willing to do all that. I was bargaining. I was asking him to take a shot, to give our relationship another chance.

It is just too painful to know that we need to take different paths this time. It hurts to hear the words no woman will ever want to hear, “Yes, I told you before that I will never leave you. But that was BEFORE. It’s different now.”

He could have added, “I’m really sorry.” but he didn’t. And that made me cry all the more. That he is not even sorry for hurting me. And all I can do is cry, to just close my eyes and cry. And I pray to God for I can no longer endure the pain of my sad broken heart.

And it feels like he is only doing this, provoking me, making me mad so I can leave him alone. Like he intends to do so in order for me to realize that he is not worth it, that our relationship is not worth saving, that I really have to move on. Just go on and stay mad at  him because it is better that way.

It really hurts when I still love him despite my sad broken heart and all I wanted was to take another chance and save what is left of us. But I realize that even if we get back together, what is left is not enough to fix all that is broken. And what is left should remain until it is gone.

But the worst part is, when he looks down on me and belittles me. He became too indifferent that he doesn’t care at all about how I feel if he returns everything I gave him, even the cards and the letters that I sent him. It felt like I  left my heart with him and he is giving it back to me and I was  still forcing him to keep it. And in the process my heart slipped through his fingers and crashed to the ground and all that is left is a sad broken heart of mine.