Past memories, challenges, hardships and turbulence – these are part of every person’s life. It is embedded to us the good and the bad times we have encountered as we take stages from a child, to a teenager, to an adult.
I think all of us will agree that if we have to choose to remember , the good memories must prevail. Although it’s hard not to as it becomes inevitable, dark past will just keep coming back.
Recollecting my thoughts about my past, I had many of them that at one point has made me bitter.
One of them was a romantic relationship with a man who unfortunately were not able to keep his fidelity. Dwelling on this matter made me feel less of a person – that there is something wrong about me – that there are things he saw in other women that maybe he wished I had.
In short, I felt I was not good enough for him.
I had withheld my emotions of anger, loath and disdain. It had boiled inside of me and had weakened me.
But what bewildered me for so long was the fact that during confrontations, he always had an excellent excuse. They come in pretty packages and the words are so believable that I was able to convince myself that indeed, he wasn’t cheating on me.
The relationship lasted for years and I have to endure the emotions over and over again because I wanted to be loved. Love after all is about forgiveness and taking chances.
I didn’t have the courage to break it off because it will be next to a deep depression. It had slapped me in the face when the overwhelming evidence has surmounted that he will no longer change. Not now, not ever.
I had put it bluntly and told him I wanted out. Then I landed on a bottomless pit of depression and became numb. Things had never been the same without him. It was death.
But then I realized that I was the one who was drowning myself. I was amble but I want my peace of mind.
Dwelling in something that is already a part of the past didn’t get me anywhere. So I just had to let go of the memories and move forward.
I’ve been dead but I have taken my life back and it deserves to be lived pretty well.
Dwelling in the past is like jumping from a vertiginous height
And landing on a bottomless pit
A never-ending fall…
You open your eyes and cry for help
Only to realize that you alone can un-strangle yourself
Heart to Heart Thoughts © 2012